


Secrets

by edgarallenhoe



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angry Cullen Rutherford, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealous Cullen, Post-Trespasser, Pregnancy, Secrets, Unplanned Pregnancy, keeping secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 14:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4880353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallenhoe/pseuds/edgarallenhoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellana Lavellan has a secret, and she's keeping it from the one person who matters most to her: her husband. When he overhears something out of context, he doesn't react well. What will the couple do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets

“How will I tell him Dorian?”

“You’re being silly, Ellana. He’s a big boy, he’ll be fine.”

“But what if he’s not fine!?” Ellana could hear the pitch of her voice go up an octave. She stopped pacing in the middle of her room and sat down on the edge of her bed. She clutched the message crystal Dorian had given her tightly in her right hand, in her only hand. It pulsed warmly against her palm; it was almost like it was alive.

“El, listen to me. He loves you. This will change absolutely nothing,” Dorian said, concern filling his voice. Usually, Ellana was the calm, collected one between the two of them. It was a rare day indeed that she was calling about her own concerns.

“I already cause enough hardship with my lack of a left arm! Imagine this: Cullen’s one-armed wife, who already struggles to get her shirt on in the morning, pregnant. Imagine her heavy with child. Imagine her trying to care for that baby. Will she be able to hold it? Will she be able to feed it and play with it? What will she do? Who will look after it when she cannot?”

“Darling, that’s what Cullen is there for. Marriages are usually a partnership you know.”

“You’re right… Of course you’re right. I just feel like such a burden,” Ellana finally sighed, throwing herself backward. Her black hair fanned out behind her and a sob threatened to escape her vallaslin-painted lips. Creators guide me, she thought but quickly retracted when she remembered who the Creators were. Shaking off that thought, she realized Dorian was speaking to her.

“-Cullen. I mean, the man clearly loves you, and he would never leave you. You will get through this Ellana. Do I have to come down there and tell the man myself?”

“Well, if you wanted to come back I wouldn’t be completely opposed.”

“Does someone miss me? I would miss me, too. I mean come on, have you met me?” That brought Ellana’s first real laugh in a few days. It was bright and rung like a bell throughout the empty room. The reality of her pregnancy had been like a cloud hanging over top of her. She hadn’t allowed herself to not worry about it.

“Okay, enough about you,” Ellana said, grinning when she heard Dorian’s chuckled, “Now, how exactly do you propose I break the news? And be serious this time.”

“Alright, alright. Well to begin with, you mustn't just spit it right out at him like you did with me. Maker’s breath, that was a shock,” he murmured.

“I’m sorry Dorian, but I had to tell someone! This affects everything: my marriage, my career, my entire life. Thom wanted to go out for drinks last night, but I had to politely decline. It’s so hard keeping this a secret.”

“Well, I can’t fault you for that. Another thing: be gentle! Cullen will surely cry; he seems like the type.”

“Don’t be hasty, don’t be brash, and make sure I have tissues. Got it. And he’ll definitely cry; Cullen cried when we found out Rex was pregnant. And a girl,” she tittered. 

“The man’s secretly a crybaby. Don’t tell the troops! Or, alternatively, tell all of the troops,” Dorian laughed heartily through the crystal. There was a moment where nothing hung in the air but their laughter, and both felt the stresses of life and work floating away. Ellana’s own laugh started to die; she couldn’t stop wishing Dorian was right there next to her to help her through this. She clutched her crystal tighter. This would have to be enough for now.

Suddenly, a door slammed. Her door. Ellana shot up off her bed and looked around for whoever was coming into her room in such a brusque manner, but no one came up.

“Dorian, can I call on you again tomorrow? Someone either walked into the wrong room or… Well I don’t know,” Ellana swallowed. She had a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Of course. I’ll speak with you later,” Dorian said and cut off the connection. Ellana dropped the crystal and made her way down the stairs. She walked briskly to the great hall and looked around. She spotted Sera sitting on a table cleaning her arrows.

“Sera,” Ellana said, approaching the other elf.

“Her gracious ladybits,” Sera cackled, standing up atop the table and mock-bowing to her.

“Sera, were you by any chance in my room a few moments ago?” Ellana bit her lip.

“No friggin’ way! Would never go up there without your permission, yeah? Big scary mage and her big less-scary boyfriend? Wouldn’t risk getting magicked to death. And I only messed with Cully-Wully’s desk the one time if that’s what you’re after,” Sera cried, “Speaking of Cullen, I just saw him and he looked… really friggin’ scary. Came from that direction. Maybe it was him, yeah?”

“Thanks Sera, I’ll go check on him,” Ellana murmured, managing to push a small onto her face. If it had been Cullen, had he heard her talking to Dorian? Did he know she was pregnant? This wasn’t how she had wanted him to find out, and she had been terrified enough to tell him normally. She hurried away from Sera, ignoring the odd look she was giving her.

When she reached his office, she went to knock but hesitated. Doubts raced through her mind. Did he even want to see her right now? Steeling herself, she moved to rap her knuckles against the door. Three short knocks and it was over. She waited, holding her breath.

“Come in,” came a delayed, muffled response from behind the door. She grabbed the cold metal knob and turned it, praying he wasn’t too terribly upset with her. He was turned toward the window when she walked in. She would always love the way the sunlight looked glinting in his hair. He looked like some sort of fairytale prince when he gazed out over the mountains. She went to speak but couldn’t manage to get words out.

“What is it?” Cullen sighed. He seemed exasperated but he did not turn around. “I have a lot to prepare. If you’ve nothing to say then leave.” 

“Cullen,” she finally managed to get out. He stiffened as soon as he heard her voice.

“Ellana,” he whispered. It seemed like the temperature had dropped ten degrees over the course of ten seconds. “Come to laugh? To gloat?”

“What are you talking about?” She was sincerely confused. What would she have to gloat about?

“I’m a fool, no?” he hissed, spinning around. She could see that his eyes were red and he had most likely been crying. “A crybaby, I believe were Dorian’s words. Well, should a man not cry when his wife is unfaithful?”

“Unfaithful!? Cullen, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t try to pretend like you weren’t talking about this with Dorian. You… were speaking of how you would tell me. How you would break the news. I just want to understand why Ellana,” he choked out, “And with Thom? How could you?”

“Cullen, please-” Ellana spoke as she tried to move a bit closer to him. He hadn’t looked up her, but suddenly his fist slammed into the desk.

“I had just forgiven the man at your behest! How could I have been so foolish? So blind?” he spat, finally turning his burning gaze on her. Realization had begun to dawn on Ellana, though, and a laugh bubbled past her lips at his anger.

“This is not funny!” he said venomously. She couldn’t help it, though. Chuckles escaped from her mouth and soon tears were running down her face because of how hard she was laughing.

“Cullen, I’m not cheating on you with Thom,” she giggled, wiping a tear from her eye.

“You’re lying,” he swallowed. His expression was terribly pained. Ellana calmed her laughter and moved around the desk towards her husband.

“Vhenan, what you heard with Dorian… Thom wanted to go out for drinks, but I didn’t refuse because I was trying to keep a relationship secret. I refused because I was trying to keep my pregnancy secret.” At this, she looked at her feet instead of the man in front of her. “I would never be unfaithful. I was just afraid to tell you because… I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

Cullen stood straight, looking oddly his wife. He took her all in: her missing arm, the way she was nervously biting her lip, her downward gaze. As he did so, it was his turn to laugh. How could he ever want anyone else in this world?

“Ellana, I was a fool. How I could ever think you would… Well, it’s unthinkable. I love you with my whole heart, my lioness. And of course I still want you! With every fiber of my being. That has not changed since the day I met you. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Only if you forgive me,” Ellana murmured, meeting his gaze. 

“There is nothing to forgive. I will never leave you, ma vhenan,” he said. He stumbled a bit over the elvish words, but her heart swelled when she heard him say it. She reached up to cup his cheek with her right hand and stood on tip-toe to press her lips to his.

“Maker’s breath! I’m going to be a father!” Cullen shouted suddenly, pulling away from their gentle kiss. “I’m going to a father and you’re going to be a mother. We’re going to be parents, El!”

He sounded breathless with joy and wide smile split his face. Suddenly, she found herself being lifted, and he clutched her tightly and swung her around. Her laughter was breathy and sweet. Cullen adored the way her eyes shut when she laughed. He set her down pressed his forehead against her’s. Breathing heavily, his hands came to rest on her cheeks.

“I must admit, this is the opposite of the reaction I expected to get,” Ellana said, closing her eyes and enjoying the sensation of being held.

“Let there be no more doubt, Ellana. I will love you until the end of our days. Physical health and beauty are fleeting. I will adore you with one arm or two, when we are old and gray, even if, say, you cut off all your hair and tattooed the rest of your body. I love you for what’s in here,” he whispered, removing one of his hands from her face and tapping her heart. She opened her eyes and looked into his. The expression was so earnest and almost reverent. She believed him with her whole being.

“I love you, too, Cullen Stanton Rutherford,” she giggled, leaning in to kiss him again when he grumbled at the use of his middle name.

“Baby names!” Cullen shouted, breaking the kiss again. He released her and all but ran back to his desk. Papers started flying as he searched for a blank sheet and a pen. Ellana let out a giggle. This would certainly be a different kind of challenge than she had anticipated.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Dragon Age fic. I just got Inquisition recently, and I finished Trespasser so I had a lot of feelings I needed to get out.


End file.
